Two-headed Baby

Humor Writing Portfolio - Two-headed Baby

Here is some original humor I wrote for the Yahoo! Group: Laugh Lover's.

This writing is about Two-headed Baby.

You have probably heard by now the story of a baby born with two heads. There's more to the story... The parents were visibly upset when they saw their new-born baby had two heads. But it wasn't long before they were relieved, excited and smiling after the doctor shouted, "Two heads are better than one!" This gives a whole new meaning to the Double-mint twins. Look at the bright side, at least the baby will always have someone to talk to. But I feel sorry for the parents... haircuts, glasses, and braces will cost twice as much. What if one head wants to go to sleep and the other head doesn't? What if the heads get into an argument? And never speak to each other for the rest of their lives. This might make it easier to cheat on a test. Wouldn't it be cool if they were both diva singers and won on American Idol singing in harmony? Or on Star Search one could play the guitar while the other one sung. Just think, in soccer, they would be great at headers. On dates, which head would the girl kiss first? This could lead to some kinky stuff. At baptism, you'd need a dunking booth. What if one head got ahead of the other one? They'd be headin' for trouble. I'll skip the joke about double-talk. Do you think their driver's license picture will fit on the license? This gives a whole new meaning to bad driver's license pictures. When people pass them, will people do a double-take? If they turn into a criminal, will they be in double trouble? When they get a job, will they have to work double-time or double shifts? If they get invited to the White House will they get to meet, George Double-U? In baseball, will all of their games be double-headers? Serious questions, all which will remain unanswered, until later in life.

There's even more to this story...

I can hear their Mom now...
"When are you going to start using your heads?"

I can hear their Dad now...
"See what happens when you put your heads together!"

I can hear their Science teacher now...
"It's amazing what you can do when you put your minds to it!"

I can hear the grown baby now...
"Not tonight dear. I have a headaches!"

I can hear the middle-aged grown baby now...
"It's time for a faceslift!"

I can hear the grown baby now...
"We can't make up our minds!"

I can hear the grown baby door-to-door solicitors now...
"They can see us coming and going."

I know their favorite band will be Talking Heads.

I can hear their Mom now...
"When they are old enough, maybe I can get them into the HeadsStart Program."

Maybe if they're real smart, they'll become the Heads of the Class.

When they fall in love, they will be heads over heel for someone.

It gives the term "four eyes" a whole new meaning.

I can hear someone telling off the nosy(s) grown baby now...
"Mind your own businesses!"

or

"Get a lifes!"

That grown baby better never, ever, forget anything. That grown baby won't have a valid excuse!

You see, I haven't determined the genetic gender of the baby yet. It's still too early to tell, according to what the Massachusettes Supreme Court said yesterday.

The girl might lean the other way, if you know what I mean.

I knew I could dig myself out of this hole somehow.

I was also thinking...
Do you think the baby has a split personality?

I wonder what you'd name her?
Mary Anned?
J-Load?
BeyondSay?
Madonnas?
The Andrews Sisters?
Sister Act 2?
Cher-ed?
Glenn Too Close?
Jess n' Ica?

Enough baby talk!

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