"Things NOT to say on a job interview..."

I try NOT to say the wrong things during an interview, but sometimes I forget and say things like...

"I know a guy who sells nice looking toupees."

"Is it considered sexual harassment if I bring a cigar to work?"

"I've only killed one boss in the past."

"Nice tie, but I think you need to make it tighter around your neck."

"Mind if I put my feet up on your desk?"

"Can I borrow your secretary for the night?"

"Why can't I see the porno on your PC?"

"Are you wearing business casual or did Goodwill have another clothing sale?"

"Do they ever hire smart people here?"

"How come you keep flash cards on your desk?"

"What's that weird thing you keep doing with your left eyebrow?"

"Why do you need such a big desk?"

"How come your chair doesn't have an eject button?"

"From the looks of things, I assume they don't have an exercise room here."

"Do you have an open door policy to go along with your open mouth policy?"

"Are you always this BORING?"

"How come your phone has big, square buttons on it and plays little kids' songs?"

"If you hire me today, I promise I will not miss a single holiday or vacation day."

"Now I know how the slaves must have felt!"


Maybe these explain why I have not been hired?