Humor Writing Portfolio - Vacuums
Here is some original humor I wrote for the Yahoo! Group: Laugh Lover's.
This writing is about Vacuums.
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Okay, I admit it, I own way too many vacuums! Here is some vacuous vacuum vacuity... My life is like a vacuum, it sucks! Some people live in a vacuum. I feel sorry for them. You can't move and it's noisy and stuffy in there. I might live in a vacuum, but how would I know? What if you don't own a vacuum? Then, you have a void, you have a vacuum. Therefore, if you don't own a vacuum you do own a vacuum! In which case, you can buy a vacuum to fill a vacuum! Make sense? Why do they spell vacuum like this, "vacuum"? Why not spell it like this, "vackyoom". Is an old lady, who uses a vacuum, called a vacuum bag? What if you have a defective vacuum and it doesn't suck? Then it really sucks! If space is a vacuum, why not call it what it is? "Today, our proud Nation launched three astronauts into vacuum." Why are they called self-propelled vacuums, if you have to push and pull them? If Hoover Vacuum stock goes up, does it mean business really sucks? If you turn on all the vacuums in the vacuum store at the same time, can you still breathe? If you're a vacuum salesperson, does your job always suck? Would a vacuum work in outer space? You'd be vacuuming a vacuum, wouldn't you? If someone says to you, "You suck!" Does that person know he/she is really calling you a vacuum? If someone built a gigantic vacuum, would they call it a "big sucker?" What if it was so big that they used it to vacuum up tired, old, worn out, broken vacuums, would they call it a "vacuum vacuum"? Some people... Some people can't spell "vacuum", so they shorten it to "vac." Those are mostly the same people who say, "uum" a lot. Why don't they call all vacuums "shop vacs?" You had to go shopping to buy it. Why do they call it a vaccum hose, if there's no water in it? Is a wet-dry vac for someone who sucks at everything? I hope you enjoyed my off-the-floor vacuum jokes. Some of them really sucked! Didn't they? I think the vacuum thing has gone to my head, but Hoover still won't hire me! No Vac-ancy. |
Mount Laughmore
by Kramer
©2006
Copyright 2006. Kramer. All rights reserved.