1 - MR. RIGHT WRONGS SOMEBODY!

2 - AFTER RECEIVING NO BIRTHDAY CARDS… INTROVERTED MAN BUYS AND SENDS BELATED CARD TO HIMSELF.

3 - FRENCH FOREIGN LEGION BOYCOTTS ITSELF

4 - TANNING SALON GETS BURNED

5 - BASHFUL BOXER BASHES OPPONENTS

6 - DISSCOUNT COUPON TURNS OUT TO BE WORTHLESS

7 - DARK CLOUD SETTLES OVER METEOROLOGIST'S FUNERAL WHEN HE STARTS COFFIN DUE TO A BAD COLD

8 - FUNERAL DIRECTOR WITH POOR HEARING LOADS BODY ONTO HORSE.

9 - HIGH SCHOOL OFFERS FAT STUDENTS CLASSES IN SPAMISH I & II

10- MANUFACTURER OF CREW SOCKS GOES OUT OF BUSINESS AFTER CREW SUCKS

11- "OPEN DOOR" POLICY NON-EXISTENT AT CONTAINER CORPORATION

12- UNEASINESS OVER RELEASE OF "EASY COME, EASY GO" VIDEO

13- MAN CONVICTED OF ROBBING CRADLE GETS BABY SENTENCE

14- FUNDRAISER TURNS OUT TO BE NO FUND AT ALL

15- LONELY BEAVER WRITES IRAQI BESTSELLER, "SAD DAM"

16- FARMER MATES PIG WITH PORCUPINE... CALLS NEW BREED PORKUPINE.

17- GERMAN BAKERY REPORTS FRUIT STOLLEN STOLEN

18- WOMAN FROM LAND DOWN UNDER MAKES UPSIDEDOWN CAKE

19- HOOKER CHOOSES TO BECOME SELLABUTT
 

20- ENGLISH TEACHER IN ARABIAN POOL HALL KILLED FOR PUTTING TOO MUCH ENGLISH ON THE BALL

21- EROTIC, HUMOROUS VAUDEVILLIANS GET DIRTY SLAPSTICK FOR CHRISTMAS

22- AUTHOR OF "WHY CAN'T WE ALL JUST GET ALONG" DIES SHORTLY AFTER LOSING ALL OF HIS FRIENDS

23- ANGRY BOXER WORKING IN CLOCK SHOP PUNCHES TIME CLOCKS

24- MISSING PERSON BUYS MISSING PERSON'S BUREAU AT MISSING PERSONS' FURNITURE AUCTION (THINK ABOUT IT!)

25- FACIAL TISSUE MANUFACTURER ADDS PEPPER TO TISSUES TO INCREASE SALES

26- INVENTOR OF POCKET PROTECTOR LOSES WALLET TO PICKPOCKET

27- ANCIENT CHINESE HUMOR RITUAL DOOMED BY MR. 2003

28- INMATE ON DEATH ROW BECOMES FAMOUS ROCKER MUSICIAN… DEATH ROW TULL

1 - BI-POLAR SANTA CLAUS SETS UP SHOP AT NORTH AND SOUTH POLE

2 - LOUSY LOUSE LOUSES UP LOUSY LOUSES LOUNGE

3 - EXTREMELY PREMATURE MALE BABY STARTS SHAVING INSIDE THE WOMB

4 - HOT DOG MANUFACTURER WINS TOUR DE FRANK

5 - IDLE WORSHIPERS WONDER WHAT THEY ARE NOT DOING

6 - STUNTED GROWTH DISCOVERED IN THE OFFSPRING OF MOVIE STUNT MEN AND WOMEN

7 - BIG HAIRY DEAL COMES DOWN BETWEEN CITY ZOO AND ANIMAL RIGHTS ACTIVISTS

8 - LONESOME PRARIE DOG FINDS JOY IN PRARIE DOG POUND

9 - NUTRITIONISTS FIND FAT PEOPLE INFATUATED WITH THEMSELVES

10- LAUGHING HYENAS SHOW UP AT COMEDY CLUB AUDITION NIGHT... EVERY JOKE GETS A LAUGH, FUNNY OR NOT!

11- PET AGREE DOGS FORM A CONSENSUS

12- ACCOUNTANTS FOUND TO BE WILD AND CRAZY ON THE INSIDE

13- SLIGHT SLOPPY MAN IN SLOOP SLIP SLIDES AWAY

14- NEW COMPASS TELLS YOU WHERE TO GO… HELL IS ONLY A COMPASS AWAY

15- TRISTA AND RYAN DIVORCE SET FOR COURT TV

16- BACKWARD RELIGIOUS ZEALOTS OBSERVE HOLY MONTH OF SLOWING

17- NOVICE FISHERMAN ON CASTERS ROLLS OFF END OF PIER AND DROWNS. ADDS NEW MEANING TO THE TERM "CASTING OUT."

18- HAPPY GO LUCKY PEOPLE MEET AT ORGY AND TURN INTO HAPPY GET LUCKY PEOPLE

19- ELDERLY ELFS FOUND USING CANDY CANES TO WALK

20- TOP CHEF HAS WAGES GARNISHED BY THE COURT

21- VIAGRA OVERDOSE VICTIM HAS A HARD TIME

22- COUNSELOR AT SUICIDE HOTLINE BECOMES SUICIDAL AFTER TAKING ADVICE FROM HIS CALLERS

23- BABY DOCTOR EXPECTED TO GO OFF THE BOTTLE ANY DAY

24- SMART ASS FOUND ON DONKEY FARM REFUSES TO "HEE-HAW"

1 - OIL MINISTER GETS SLICK CHURCH JOB

2 - CANNIBALS HEAD TO OLYMPIC TIME TRIALS TO HUNT FOR FAST FOOD

(Get it? Cannibals Head! LOL!)

3 - MYSTERY HOW FRANCE WINS WW3!

4 - CHINESE LAUNCH FIRST MAN INTO SPACE TO DELIVER TAKE-OUT TO INTERNATIONAL SPACE STATION

5 - GAZA STRIP CLUB OPENS AMID CONCERN FOR SUICIDE DANCERS

6 - MAYTAG OPENS MUSEUM FOR OLD MAYTAG APPLIANCES BUT IT REMAINS EMPTY

7 - CANNIBALS FIND BEST JOBS IN HUMAN RESOURCES

8 - FULL GROWN CANINE FOUND IN PUP TENT

9 - PRISON ESCAPEE MISTAKENLY RETURNS TO JAIL WHILE PLAYING MONOPOLY

10- PEOPLE LEFT SCRATCHING THEIR HEADS AFTER TAKING A SHOWER WITH ITCHY WAH WAH

11- GAY LONE RANGER FOUND TO BE TRIGGER HAPPY

12- WRIGLEY FIELD LOCKER ROOM LIKE A ZOO THANKS TO BARE CUBS

13- FORMER MODEL TWIGGY TURNED STICK PEOPLE ARTIST JOINS WEIGHTLESS WATCHERS

14- JOB EXPERTS FIND WHEN CANNIBALS ARE PUT IN MANAGEMENT POSITIONS HEADS ROLL

15- LUCKY STIFF WINS LOTTERY WHILE AT THE MORGUE

16- REDNECK SWAPS SPITS WITH KRAMER DURING FRENCH KISSING CONTEST

17- DIARY OF ANNE FRANK'S FATHER, FRANK FRANK FOUND IN BORA BORA

18- TOOTHLESS WONDER FOUND CHEWING GUMS AFTER LOSING HIS PACKAGE OF CHEWING GUM

19- BOSS ON EGO TRIP DUE TO RETURN IN A WEEK

20- COMPLETE IDIOTS FOUND TO BE MORE COMPLETE THAN IDIOTS

1 - MAN WITH CRAB TRAP GETS TRAPPED AND GETS CRABBY

2 - DELI HOLDS GRAND OPENING. WORKERS ARE NO SHOWS. SUBS FILL IN.

3 - LITTLE OLD LADY FROM PASADENA FOUND DRIVING LITTLE OLD MAN NUTS

4 - JOAN OF ARC KNOWN TO HAVE SMALL CIRCLE OF FRIENDS

5 - POT BELLIED PIGS TESTED FOR DRUGS

6 - MALE PATTERN BALDNESS ATTRACTS WOMEN FROM SEWING CLUB

7 - FOG LAMP LEAVES FLYING BUGS IN THE FOG

8 - DIRT BIKE TURNS INTO MUD IN THE RAIN. LEAVES RIDER STRANDED

9 - ICE SKATERS IN ANTARCTICA CAN'T FIND NEW ICE RINK

10- BLIND MAN INVENTS TWO NEW COLORS, LIGHT BLACK AND DARK BLACK

11- ARBORIST CHANGES CAREERS AND GETS JOB AS TELLER AT BRANCH BANK

12- KOBE BRYANT ACCUSED OF DOUBLE DRIBBLE BY VICTIM

13- EARTHQUAKES FOUND TO IMPROVE BOWLERS' SCORES

14- EARLY TRADERS CAUGHT TRADING LIES

15- INDIANS TAKEOVER BOW-FLEX COMPANY IN HOSTILE TAKEOVER

16- PANDORA'S BOX PERMANENTLY SEALED SHUT BY PHOBIC PACKERS AND SHIPPERS

17- CRITICS SAY NEW CIRCUS ACT STARRING SUICIDE BOMBER REALLY BLOWS

18- DOG WHO HAD VOCAL CHORDS REMOVED HIRES ROOFING CONTRACTOR

19- MAN NAMED BOB DROWNS WHILE BOBBING FOR APPLES AFTER BOBBLING HIMSELF

20- ENTOMOLOGISTS ALARMED AT DISCOVERY OF NEW SEXUALLY TRANSMITTED DISEASE AMONG BEES… H.I.V.E.

21- AUTHOR OF WORST CASE SCENARIO BOOKS DIES WHEN WORST CASE SCENARIO HAPPENS

22- MAN WITHOUT A CAUSE FOUND TO HAVE ONE

23- FISHING EXPERT EXPLAINS HOME SCHOOLING MEANS NO MORE HOOKY FOR THIS FISH

24- BURGLAR TURNED LOCKSMITH GOES AROUND LOCKING EVERYTHING UP SO HE CAN'T BREAK IN

1 - MAN LOSES JOB AT NUDIST CAMP AFTER SHOWING UP FOR WORK DRESSED IN BUSINESS CASUAL ATTIRE

2 - MAN WITH GUN PISTOL WHIPS HIMSELF INTO BEING GUN SHY

3 - CHOCOLATE FACTORY SUFFERS MELTDOWN

4 - BOUNCER GETS BOUNCED OUT OF BOUNCER SCHOOL FOR ORDERLY CONDUCT

5 - WORRIED ONLOOKERS LOOK WORRIED

6 - SCIENTISTS DISCOVER GIRLS GO WILD WHEN POSING IN FRONT OF A VIDEO CAMERA

7 - SACRED SHIRLEY TEMPLE FOUND IN ISRAEL

8 - FIRST MEETING OF SUICIDE BOMBERS ANNONYMOUS CANCELED AFTER NOBODY ATTENDS

9 - TWO TRUCKS HAULING MIRRORS COLLIDE. FOURTEEN YEARS BAD LUCK. MIRROR COINCIDENCE?

10- GUMPIER OLD MEN'S CLUB APPROVES USE OF DOILIES ON TABLES AND CHAIRS

11- MAN PROPOSES TOAST BUT GETS WAFFLES INSTEAD

12- DESERT LANDSCAPE ARTIST WITH TWO-SIDED PAINTING SAYS GRASS IS GREENER ON OTHER SIDE

13- HIP-HOP FOUND TO BE POPULAR AMONG RABBITS

14- KIDDIE POOL LEAKS IN MORE WAYS THAN ONE

15- COUPLE CEMENTS THEIR VOWS… BRICK LAYER MARRIES BRICK HOUSE

16- SEWAGE TREATMENT PLANT… VOTED BEST AROMA AMONG GARDEN CLUB MEMBERS

17- HOLY OWNED SUBSIDIARY TURNS INTO BLESSING IN DISGUISE

18- PAUL REVERE REVERED FOR HIS REVERENCE

19- SOFTWARE PIRACY ON THE RISE… BLACKBEARD APPEARS ON PIRATED CD

20- FRENCH WHINE AND CHEESE PARTY TO BE HELD AT U.N.

21- EX-CON MARRIES EX-WIFE AFTER EXPERIMENTAL EXCHANGE OF EXPLOSIVE EXPOSURE EXCITEMENT

22- MULE TEAM GETS ASSES KICKED BY BUCKIN BRONCO TEAM

23- RARE FOOTAGE FOUND THAT SHOWS RARE ANKLEAGE AND RARE LEGAGE

24- RETIRED GARBAGEMAN MOVES INTO DUMPY HOUSE

25- BAD VIBES LEAVE LIONEL HAMPTON FEELING DOWN AND OUT

26- SCHOOL FOR MINNOWS ATTRACTS SOME OF THE DUMBEST FISH AROUND

27- UPSIDEDOWN TREE LEAVES DOGS UP IN THE AIR

1 - TARGET PRACTICE ENDS IN DEATH FOR EVERYONE WORKING AT TARGET

2 - OLD SPICE ADDED TO MEAL RESULTS IN CLOSE SHAVE WITH DEATH

3 - WORKING MOM AND WORKING DAD TAKE WORKING VACATION

4 - OVERWEIGHT JUDGE SITS ON BENCH… THE WRONG WAY AND BREAKS IT

5 - MAN-EATING CHICKEN DECLARES, "TASTES LIKE CHICKEN!"

6 - FARMERS FIND COWS ENJOY LOTS OF FEEDBACK

7 - COUNTRY OF TURKEY CHANGES OFFICIAL LANGUAGE TO "TALKING TURKEY"

8 - GOODY TWO SHOES CAUGHT HIDING GOODS IN TWO OVER-SIZED SHOES

9 - SOLE SEARCHERS FIND GOODY TWO SHOES SAME AS GOODY PAIR SHOES

10- SHOPLIFTERS CAUGHT AFTER FAILED ATTEMPT TO LIFT A SHOP WITHOUT HEAVY EQUIPMENT

11- PARTY POOPER SENTENCED TO COMMUNITY SERVICE AT PORT-O-LET FACTORY

12- DERANGED RANGER'S RANGE ON THE RANGE CATCHES FIRE

13- WOMAN LOSES MIND OVER MATTER

14- OK CORRAL OKs CORRAL EXPANSION… OK?

15- LAWRENCE WELK BUBBLE MACHINE SOLD AT AUCTION TO BUBBLELY WOMAN ACCOMPANIED BY BUBBLES THE CLOWN

16- WELL-WISHERS FALL INTO WELL AND DROWN WISHING THEY KNEW HOW TO SWIM

1 - A MEETING OF WEATHERMEN WITH HEAD COLDS CAUSE A SUDDEN COLD FRONT

2 - APE GOES APE AND NOBODY KNOWS

3 - CLOSER EXAMINATION REVEALS VIENNA CHOIR BOYS BORN WITH VIENNA SAUSAGES

4 - BATTLEAXES SUFFERING FROM P.M.S. DESTROY ENTIRE REDWOOD FOREST

5 - CROSS-EYED RESEARCHERS DISCOVER CROSS-EYEDNESS CAUSED BY CROSSWORD PUZZLES

6 - A MYSTERY HOW MYSTERY BOOKS IN LIBRARY MYSTERIOUSLY DISAPPEAR…MYSTERY SHOPPER SUSPECTED

7 - SCUBA DIVER FOUND TO HAVE OCEAN-GOING VESSELS IN HIS CIRCULATORY SYSTEM

8 - STUDY FINDS BOB HOPE SIGHTINGS MORE COMMON THAN ELVIS SIGHTINGS

9 - HEAD LICE FOUND SURFING ON BRAIN WAVES IN WAVY HAIR

10- U.F.O. TURNS OUT TO BE GLOW-IN-THE-DARK FRISBEE

11- MORON TABERNACLE CHOIR TO SING "O BEAUTIFUL FOR SPACIOUS HEADS" AND "YANKEE NOODLE"

12- AMOEBAS CAUGHT AND FINED FOR USING ILLEGAL CELL PHONES

13- JUDGE OF HIGHEST COURT FOUND TO BE A POTHEAD

14- PALIMINO HORSE AWARDED ONE MILLION DOLLARS IN PALIMINOMONY SUIT (Can you say, "Paliminomony?")

15- PLANE CRASHES INTO FLOCK OF BIRDS WHILE FEATHERING AN ENGINE

16- JURY STILL OUT ON CASE OF MISSING JURORS

1 - WINO IN ALLEY CALLS GRAPE CRISIS HOTLINE ON BORROWED CELL PHONE

2 - TIGHT ROPE WALKER COMPLAINS TO DOCTOR ABOUT KNOTS IN HIS STOMACH

3 - FIRST-TIME OBSCENE PHONE CALLER DIES AFTER FORGETTING TO BREATHE

4 - FAULTY WIRING TO BLAME FOR MASSAGE CHAIR TURNING INTO ELECTRIC CHAIR

5 - NEW HIT TV SHOW TO BLAME FOR PEOPLE HITTING THEIR TVs AND BREAKING THEM

6 - RECORD NUMBER OF NO-SHOWS EXPECTED AT THIS YEAR'S VOMIT EATING CONTEST (Warning: DO NOT EAT while reading this one! This has to be the grossed line of humor I have ever written in my entire life. It's
hard to swallow!)

7 - UNITED NATIONS VOTES TO REMOVE MIDDLE EASTERN COUNTRIES FROM THE MAP… OUT OF SIGHT, OUT OF MIND!

8 - HERDS OF DAIRY CATTLE LINE UP FOR UDDER AUGMENTATION SURGERY AFTER LEARNING THAT ELSIE HAD IT DONE

9 - SMOKING GUN FINALLY FOUND, BUT EVIDENCE OF CIGARETTE MISSING FROM SCENE

10- TORTURE CHAMBER FOUND TO CONTAIN OLD ELVIS RECORDS

11- PRAYING MANTIS CONVERTS TO ATHEISM… ENTOMOLOGISTS START PRAYING TO GET THEIR JOBS BACK

12- ZOOLOGISTS DISCOVER MOTHER GOOSE IS THE MOTHER OF ALL GOOSES

13- ORNERY BEES FOUND TO BE MISBEEHIVING

1 - SUICIDE BOMBER BLOWS SELF UP AT OWN RETIREMENT PARTY... LIFE SAVINGS UP IN SMOKE

2 - WORKER'S COMPLAIN THAT PAY AT FERTILIZER PLANT STINKS

3 - MENTALLY CHALLENGED TROPICAL FISH DEEMED SUBTROPICAL FISH BY PIERS

4 - KILLER WHALES FOUND TO HAVE BONES TO PICK WITH OTHER FISH

5 - BURGLAR WITH RIGHT SHOE SHOE FETISH STEALS RIGHT HALF OF AMELDA MARCOS' 2,000 PAIRS OF SHOES. STARTING OUT ON THE LEFT FOOT.

6 - TEMP WORKERS PERMANENTLY ASSIGNED TO WEATHER STATION JOBS AFTER THEY EARN THEIR DEGREES

7 - CROSS DRESSERS WARMLY WELCOMED INTO AREA CHURCHES

8 - TABLE OF CONTENTS MISSING MATCHING SET OF CHAIRS

9 - CALENDAR GIRLS FOUND TO HAVE LOTS OF DATES

10- TELEVISION EVANGELISTS LOSE THEIR REMOTES

1 - TORNADO EARLY WARNING SYSTEM DESTROYED BY EARLY TORNADO

2 - MAN LOSES MIDDLE INDEX FINGER WHILE SHOOTING BIRDS

3 - TIN MAN KILLED BY LIGHTNING STRIKE

4 - INNOCENT GAME OF DODGE BALL PUTS MULTIPLE DENTS IN CLASSIC 1960 DODGE AUTO

5 - MAN INVENTS TWO-ARMED BANDIT SLOT MACHINES FOR PEOPLE TO GET HUGS WHEN THEY LOSE

6 - INDY RACECARS MODIFIED TO DELIVER FAST FOOD

7 - FAT LADY SINGS...THEN SHE ANNOUNCES "IT'S OVER!"

8 - STARVING CHILDREN IN AFRICA PLAY PICK-UP-STICKS WITH EACH OTHER (EWWW THAT WAS CREWEL!)

9 - EQUAL OPPORTUNITY EMPLOYERS WANT EQUAL OPPORTUNITY TO FIRE EQUAL OPPORTUNITY EMPLOYEES

10- COUNTERFEIT MONEY DISCOVERED ON COUNTER AT FITNESS CENTER...IT'S FAKE...JUST LIKE THE PEOPLE AT THE FITNESS CENTER

11- STRAY CATS KNOW LITTLE-KNOWN SECRET TO GETTING LOST

12- HAIR STYLISTS PROVE BLONDES HAVE LESS FUN WHEN THEY DYE THEIR HAIR

13- EASEL FALLS ON WEASEL BEFORE WEASEL CAN WEASEL AWAY FROM EASEL

14- WORLD'S FASTEST THINKER FOUND TO HAVE PERMANENT CASE OF DEJA VU

15- MAN DRIVING A LEMON CRASHES INTO A LEMONADE STAND...SAYS HE'S SOURY

16- MAN GETS LIFE IN PRISON FOR BUILDING HIS OWN JAIL AND LOCKING HIMSELF IN AND FORGETTING WHERE HE PUT THE KEY

17- SCIENTISTS BREED NEW CHICKENS WITHOUT WINGS. HOOTERS HAS ITS WINGS CLIPPED.

18- MONKEYPOX FOUND TO CAUSE CHICKENPOX IN MONKEYS AND MONKEYPOX IN CHICKENS

19- SALVATION ARMY HIRES POPEYE AS ITS MASCOT AND CHANGES NAME TO SALVATION NAVY

1 - M.A.D.D. (MOTHERS AGAINST DRUNK DIVING) REMIND US CONCRETE SWIMMING POOLS ARE SAFER IF THEY CONTAIN WATER

2 - NAVY TESTS NEW HIGH-POWERED NUCLEAR SUBWAY SANDWICH

3 - SCIENTISTS DISCOVER THAT SOME PHONE BOOTHS CAN CAUSE CHANGE IN PEOPLE'S LIVES

4 - US POSTAL SERVICE DECIDES TO REPLACE MAIL WORKERS WITH MAIL STRIPPERS

5 - STAND-UP COMIC INVENTS NEW WIDE-LOAD MICROPHONE AND STAND TO HIDE BEHIND IF THINGS DON'T GO AS PLANNED

6 - IN RACIAL DISCRIMINATION INVESTIGATION DWARFS AND MIDGETS ACCUSED OF BUYING PYGMIES TO USE AS SLAVES

7 - STUDY FINDS "KKK" NO LONGER STANDS FOR KU KLUX KLAN... IT REALLY STANDS FOR KOO KOO KRAMER

8 - LIFTING WEIGHTS OVER ONE'S HEAD FOUND TO INCREASE TOE SIZE WHEN DROPPED

9 - DEVIL WORSHIPERS RED-FACED AFTER GOD SHOWS UP

10- BIOLOGISTS FIND TORTOISE WHO COMES OUT OF HIS SHELL WON'T GO FAR, BUT WILL BE MUCH MORE POPULAR

11- EARLY AMERICAN FURNITURE FOUND IN OLD AMERICAN HOUSE

12- SCIENTISTS MAKE GIANT PAIR OF SUNGLASSES TO BE WORN BY THE SUN

13- SQUARE MERRY-GO-ROUND FOUND IN ANCIENT EGYPTIAN AMUSEMENT PARK

14- PARTY POOPERS ACCUSED OF HELPING STANLEY STEEMER COMPANY WITH JOB SECURITY

15- JOURNEY TO THE CENTER OF THE EARTH LEAVES SELF-CENTERED EXPLORERS CONFUSED

16- GIANT REDWOOD TREES FOUND TO BE PETRIFIED OF LOGGERS

17- SPEECH THERA-PIST PIST-ED OFF AT HER PATIENT WHEN PATIENT CAN'T PRONOUNCE "DUH"

18- POLAR BEARS FOUND TO HAVE ANIMAL MAGNETISM

19- PAUL BUNYAN FOUND TO HAVE ONE ON HIS FOOT

20- WIFE ACCUSES INVENTOR OF TOILET OF FORGETTING TO LOWER THE LID THAT HE INVENTED

1 - GAME OF RUSSIAN ROULETTE TURNS UGLY WHEN MACHINE GUNS ARE USED IN ERROR

2 - SURROGATE MOTHER OF 99 BABIES TAKES ONE DOWN AND PASSES IT AROUND

3 - RARE CRAB DRESSED LIKE SANTA CLAWS FOUND IN BOTTOM OF OCEAN

4 - CPR FOUND TO WORK BETTER ON HOT BLONDE BOMBSHELLS

5 - MAN WITH HAND GRENADE MISTAKENLY PAINTS IT TO LOOK LIKE A HOT POTATO

6 - EAGER BEAVERS FOUND TO HAVE TOO MANY DAM PROBLEMS

7 - PRIVACY FENCE COMPANY CAN'T BE FOUND

8 - NEW ONION DISCOVERED THAT MAKES PEOPLE LAUGH UNTIL THEY CRY

9 - BIOLOGISTS STUDY FINDS FIRE ANTS TURN TO SMOKE ANTS AT AN OLD AGE

10- NEW DOG BREED THAT LOOKS LIKE A FIRE HYDRANT APPEALS TO ALL DOGS

11- MAN BOWLS PERFECT 300 GAME DURING EARTHQUAKE

12- OCCASIONAL CHAIR TURNS INTO OCCASIONAL PROBLEM ON OCCASION

13- WORKER AT RUBBER CHICKEN FACTORY DIES LAUGHING

14- HALF-MAN, HALF-WOMAN FOUND HALF-ASLEEP, HALF-NAKED IN PARK

15- STUDY FINDS THAT DUCKS QUACK MORE JOKES THAN PEOPLE REALIZE

1 - WORLD'S FIRST BABY DOCTOR DELIVERS ITSELF

2 - MARTHA STEWART QUITS BUYING HER OWN STUFF IN STORES

3 - BASEBALL BAT FOUND WITH CORK AND BOTTLE OF WINE INSIDE

4 - MOWHAMMED STARTING LAWN CARE SERVICE IN SAUDI ARABIA

5 - X-BOX OWNERS UPGRADING TO Y-BOX ASK WHY THEY BOUGHT AN X-BOX

6 - FORMER BOSTON STRANGLER CHOKES TO DEATH ON DINNER

7 - WELL-KNOWN PROCTOLOGIST TO SPEAK AT OPEN-ENDED DISCUSSION

8 - INTROVERTED PAINTER PAINTS HIMSELF INTO A CORNER ON PURPOSE

9 - GREEDY BRIDE MAKES BRIDEGROOM PAY-PER-VIEW ON HONEYMOON

10- PICTURE FRAME INVENTOR GETS FRAMED FOR MURDER

11- SCIENTISTS DISCOVER RARE GRAIN OF SAND

12- DOGS LOOK LIKE THEIR OWNERS...CATS LOOK LIKE JAZZ MUSICIANS

13- MISSING COW IS NOT SPOTTED

14- RETARDED RETARD RETARDS PROGRESS AT RETARDED HOME FOR THE RETARDED

15- MYSTERIOUS ILLNESS MAKES PEOPLE MYSTERIOUS

16- IRISH SETTER SETTLERS UNSETTLED AT THE NEWS OF THEIR SETTLEMENTS

17- POLISH BROTHEL WORKERS LAID OFF

18- PARTY ANIMALS KILLED BY BIG GAME HUNTERS IN LOCAL DISCO

19- HOMELESS PEOPLE FEATURED ON THIS WEEK'S EPISODE OF TRADING SPACES

20- HOMELESS PEOPLE FEATURED ON THIS WEEK'S EPISODE OF WHILE YOU WERE OUT

1 - FAN CLUB MEMBER CLUBBED BY FANS

2 - SCIENTISTS SAY LOBSTERS ARE BOILING MAD ABOUT THEIR TREATMENT

3 - MUNCHKIN'S HEALTH IN QUESTION AFTER EATING TOO MANY MUNCHIES

4 - SHIP LOST AT SEA BECAUSE CAPTAIN REFUSED TO STOP AND ASK FOR DIRECTIONS

5 - ENGLISH MAN SENTENCED TO DEATH FOR WRITING INCOMPLETE SENTENCES

6 - PEOPLE IN TURKEY LEARN TO GOBBLE AT A YOUNG AGE

7 - SKUNK MAKES HOME UNDER CHURCH PEW

8 - TONIGHT SHOW REJECTS HUMOR WRITER NAMED KRAMER

9 - MARATHON MAN GETS THE RUNS...CAN'T RUN WORTH A CRAP

10- FIRST ANNUAL SNAIL RACES MIGHT TAKE DAYS TO COMPLETE

11- JUNK MAIL FOUND TO BE MADE OF PAPER AND NOT JUNK AS ORIGINALLY THOUGHT

12- LIBRARIAN ACCUSED OF RENEWING HER VOWS

13- DITECH.COM COMMERCIALS GET CANCELED DUE TO LACK OF INTEREST

14- DOGS STICK THEIR NOSES IN EVERYONE'S BUSINESS AT ANNUAL DOG CONVENTION

15- PRICE OF VIAGRA TO RISE AGAIN

16- SUBSTITUTE TEACHER BAFFLED BY SUBSTITUTE STUDENTS

17- INVENTOR OF CONDOM SEEN RUBBER-NECKING

18- WORLD'S TALLEST LADDER STUCK IN FACTORY WHERE IT WAS MADE

19- TIME MAGAZINE TO OFFER FREE SUBSCRIPTIONS TO CLOCK WATCHERS

20- WHISTLE BLOWER DISCOVERED ON FOOTBALL FIELD... SAYS CALL ME "REF"

21- LANDSCAPE ARTIST IS SO CONVINCING HE SMOKES HIS OWN CREATIONS

22- MUSEUM OF MODERN FART OPENS WITH A BANG

23- PIANO PLAYER LOSES HIS KEYS

1 - DIARY TELLS THE WHOLE STORY…MOTHER TERESA WAS A VIRGIN

2 - KNOW-IT-ALL INVENTS FACTS MACHINE

3 - ANCIENT CIVILIZATION DISCOVERED UNDERNEATH AN OUTHOUSE

4 - WHITE MEN IN WHITE COATS SEEN LEAVING THE SCENE OF A WHITE SALE

5 - MORE THAN ONE OWL IS ACCUSED IN DRIVE-BY HOOTING

6 - ZOOLOGIST SAYS WATER OVER THE DAM IS BEAVER'S WORST NIGHTMARE

7 - LEAD ZEPELLIN WON'T FLY

8 - TALENT SCOUTS FOUND TO HAVE NO TALENT

9 - FIRE EATER SUFFERS HEARTBURNS

10- RESEARCHERS DISCOVER FLY IN OINTMENT BELONGS TO FAT GUY WHO LOST HIS PANTS

11- GREEDY CHER DECIDES NOT TO SHARE WITH ANYBODY

12- MARY KAY LADIES ARE FOUND TO BE TICKLED PINK

13- JUDGE RULES THAT FAIRY GODMOTHER CANNOT USE THE WORD GOD IN HER NAME… HENCE FAIRY MOTHER

14- MEN ARE FROM MARS THEORY PROVEN TO BE FALSE… MEN ARE FROM THEIR MOMMIES

15- TOOTH FERRY SINKS OFF LONG ISLAND SOUND… HUNDREDS OF TEETH ARE MISSING

16- GIANT ANT FOUND IN ANTARCTICA

17- MOONIES RELIGIOUS SECT TO JOIN WITH SUNNIES RELIGIOUS SECT TO FORM SOONIES RELIGIOUS SECT

18- MULTI-HEADED PERSON WEARS MULTIPLE HATS

19- BEHEADED HEAD OF HOUSEHOLD FOUND IN NEIGHBOR'S HEAD

20- MARTIAN LANDSCAPE FOUND AT CARL SAGAN'S GRAVESITE

21- WATCHING THE GRASS GROW IS FAVORITE HOBBY OF THE GOAT FAMILY FROM BLOOMINGTON, MN

22- MR. CLEAN MAKES DEBUT IN DIRTY MOVIE

23- GIRLS GONE WILD VIDEO FOUND IN POPE'S VIDEO COLLECTION

24- RESEARCHERS SAY WATER FOUND TO CAUSE THIRST WHEN NOT DRUNK OVER A LONG PERIOD OF TIME

25- WHITE HOUSE TO BE PAINTED GREEN AND RENAMED GREEN HOUSE IN HONOR OF AL GORE

26- POLISH ARMY PREPARES TO INVADE ITSELF

27- STUDY FINDS BLONDES TO BE SMARTER THAN SOME ROCKS

28- NEW RECIPE FOR DISASTER LEAVES FAT PEOPLE HUNGRY

29- DOCTORS SEW HUMAN HEAD ONTO PEZ DISPENSER

30- ANCIENT EGYPTIAN MUMMY DISCOVERED WRAPPED IN DUCT TAPE

1 - SCIENTIFIC STUDY PROVES THAT SCIENTIFIC STUDIES ARE WORTHLESS!

2 - STUDY PROVES PEOPLE WHO TALK TO PLANTS IN NEW YORK ACCENT MORE LIKELY TO KILL PLANTS!

3 - ASTRONAUTS DISCOVER THAT MAN IN THE MOON LEFT MANY MOONS AGO!

4 - SOAP EXPERTS SAY IT'S TRUE… SOAP WORKS TO CURE POTTY MOUTH!

5 - SUN DUE TO BURN OUT ANY DAY! CANDLES SALES ARE ON FIRE!

6 - BILL CLINTON'S HEAD LOCATED UNDER MONICA LEWINSKY'S DESK!

7 - OCEAN WATER DEEMED SAFE TO DRINK WHEN DROWNING!

8 - NEW MORE DANGEROUS BREED OF SHARKS DISCOVERED. MISSING UPPER DORSAL FIN!

9 - VOODOO WORSHIPERS CHOOSE TO SACRIFICE VOOs FOR DOOs AND BECOME DOODOO WORSHIPERS!

10- DOCTORS LEARN THAT PEOPLE WITH THREE EYES CAN SEE BETTER THAN PEOPLE WITH ONE EYE!

11- MORONS ARE FINALLY ALLOWED TO WATCH "GET SMART" ON TV LAND CABLE NETWORK.

12- KING OF WISCONSIN MEETS WITH OTHER HEADS OF CHEESE!

13- DOGS FOUND MORE LIKELY TO BITE PEOPLE WHO ARE ALL BONES!

14- SCARECROW DRAWS LAST STRAW ON HIS HAY DAY!

15- HYBRID SNAKE HAS ARMS AND LEGS AND CAN'T STOP PLAYING WITH ITSELF!

16- SUVs FOUND TO ROLL OVER MORE OFTEN THEN TRAINED DOGS!

17- CHINA DISCOVERED TO HAVE MORE CHINESE TAKE OUT RESTAURANTS THAN ANY OTHER COUNTRY!

18- NUDE NUN JUMPS OUT OF BIRTHDAY CAKE AT PRIEST'S PARTY! SHE SAYS SHE HAS A BAD HABIT

1 - "LEAVE IT TO BEAVER" WATCHED BY MORE BEAVERS THAN NON-BEAVERS
(YOU BEAVE THAT? I TELL YOU ANOTHER ONE)

2 - HUNG JURY DECLARED AFTER JURORS FOUND DEAD WITH NOOSES AROUND NECKS

3 - FROZEN TV DINNERS, FAVORITE MEAL OF ESKIMOS

4 - FIRERY FIREMAN FIRED FOR FIRING ON FIRE TRUCK AT FIREHOUSE

5 - UPDATED CONFEDERATE FLAG FEATURES BROKEN-DOWN PICKUP TRUCK ON BLOCKS

6 - MAN LOSES MIND AFTER DRINKING TOO MUCH DECAP COFFEE

7 - DISNEY RAISES ADMISSION PRICES AGAIN… GIVE YOUR FIRST-BORN TO GET IN

8 - AFTER HOSTING WORLD'S LARGEST ROCK CONCERT, IRAQ TO BE RENAMED IROCK

9 - TRACK MEET TURNS INTO TRACK MEAT AFTER LIONS AND TIGERS ATTACK

10- RAT PACK ARRESTED BY MICE VICE

11- INVENTOR OF ABBREVIATIONS DIES AFTER SHORT LIFE

12- DYSLEXIC PEOPLE FEAR THE DEVIL LIVED

13- ALL FLIGHTS LEAVING AUSTRALIA FILLED WITH KANGAROOS HEADED FOR
FUNERAL OF CAPTAIN KANGAROO…
JUMP SEATS WERE REMOVED PRIOR TO DEPARTURE

14- DEANIACS TURN INTO MEANIACS AFTER KERRYIACS TURN INTO MERRYIACS

15- DRUNKS ATTEND ANNUAL STUPOR BOWL PARTY...
STUPORMAN TO PERFORM AT HALF-TIME

16- MISGUIDED GUIDE FIRES MISGUIDED MISSLE AT MISGUIDED SHIP…
GUIDE DIED, MISSLE FRIED, SHIP HAPPENS

17- DEAD LEAF WORKERS OF AMERICA DEMAND A RAKE IN CONTRACT TALKS

1 - MAN WITH PLUNGER PLUNGES OFF OF CLIFF

2 - WOMAN WITH PLUNGER RECITES THE PLUNGE OF ALLEGIANCE

3 - CRAP SHOOT TURNS INTO WORK FOR ROTO-ROOTER

4 - OLDEST MAN CONTEST IS NO CONTEST BECAUSE WINNER KEEPS DYING

5 - PARROTS ESCAPE FROM PET STORE BY USING PARROT CHUTE

6 - CHAIR WITH PIN CUSHION OFFERS INEXPENSIVE ACUPUNCTURE ALTERNATIVE FOR BIG LADIES

7 - TIGER WOODS EATEN BY TIGER IN WOODS

8 - LAME DUCK PRESIDENT QUACKS JOKES IN OFFICE

9 - SCIENTISTS DISCOVER HEADLESS HORSEMAN WAS RIDING A MULE INSTEAD. THEY STATED UNOFFICIALLY THAT HE HAD HIS HEAD UP HIS ASS

10- MAN TORN BETWEEN TWO LOVERS RIPS IN TWO. RESULTS WERE NOT HALF BAD

11- ILLEGAL BEHAVIOR BORDERS ON MEXICO

1 - OVER AMBITIOUS PAINTER WITH WOODEN LEG STAINS AND VARNISHES HIS LEG

2 - SUPERMODEL COMES UNGLUED AT ANNUAL MODEL SHOW

3 - MISSING CAMEL FINALLY FOUND IN DESERT WEARING CAMELFLAGE

4 - TRAIN OF THOUGHT DERAILS LEAVING PSYCHOLOGISTS WITH ONE TRACK MINDS

5 - MEMBER OF POLISH LIGHT BULB CHANGING BRIGADE BURNS OUT

6 - WORKING STIFFS FOUND TO HAVE DEAD END JOBS

7 - TWO-HEADED PERSON AGREES TO DISAGREE

8 - TOLL-FREE TOLL BOOTH TAKES A TOLL ON TOLL TAKERS!

9 - FARMER SAYS SICK YAK STOPS YAKING... NO YOKE!

10- CABINET MAKER KILLED IN COUNTER OFFENSIVE

11- MAN WITH FIRE EXTINGUISHER IS EXTINGUISHED BY FIRE

12- FINDING FINDS FOUND AND LOST DEPARTMENT IS LOST CAUSE

13- BLIND MAN AND BLIND WOMAN ON BLIND DATE BLINDY GO THEIR SEPARATE WAYS

1 - DENTIST ATTEMPTS OFF-SHORE DRILLING

2 - CHINESE FIRE DRILL GOES AWRY WHEN KEYLESS ENTRY SYSTEM LOCKS AND SEALS
OCCUPANTS INSIDE PERMANENTLY

3 - HUNTERS DISCOVER DUCK CALLS ARE CHEAPER THAN COLLECT CALLS

4 - PIED PIPER TURNS INTO INTROVERTED LONER AFTER RETIREMENT...AFRAID OF OWN
SHADOW

5 - HILLARY CLINTON'S MEMOIRS FOUND TO CONTAIN MISSING PAGES

6 - FOURTH OF JULY FIREWORKS TO FEATURE SUICIDE BOMBERS

7 - ANGRY MOTHER SEEN BEATING HERSELF WITH HER OWN CHILD

8 - FRENCH NAVY LAUNCHES FIRST WINE CARRIER...SHIP WILL IMPROVE WITH AGE

9 - TWO-HEADED GOAT TRIES TO EAT ITSELF IN FRONT OF TERRIFIED KIDS

10- PENN STATION FOUND TO CONTAIN NO PENCILS

11- MAN WHO INVENTED PENCILS FOUND TO BE PENCIL-NECKED GEEK

12- POOR PEOPLE FOUND TO HAVE NOTHING TO LOSE...BUT LOSE ITSELF

13- POLITICALLY CORRECT WACKO CONVENTION TO BE ATTENDED BY NOBODYS

14- JUDGE RULES IN FAVOR OF RULES

15- FUNNY MONEY FOUND STASHED IN CARTOON BANK

16- WHEELCHAIR RACERS ACCUSED OF ARMCHAIR QUARTER-BACKING

17- TONY THE TIGER TURNS UP IN ITALIAN ZOO

18- EYES OF HELEN KELLER ON DISPLAY IN SEE WORLD

19- FRANKENSTEIN TURNS OUT TO BE BEER MUG IN DISGUISE

1 - TUG OF WAR DECLARED ON GERMANY

2 - LINDA LOVELACE REPENTS FOR BLOWING CANDLES

3 - BAG BOY MARRIES BAG GIRL IN REPRODUCE AISLE OF GROCERY STORE

4 - TEMPORARY MORATORIUM DECLARED ON MORATORIUMS...MORA OR LESS

5 - MIKE HEADS GOP PARTY DESPITE HIS SEXUAL ESCAPADES IN POLLING BOOTH...WHAT
LEVER DID SHE PULL?

6 - CDs FOUND TO WORK BETTER IN CD PLAYERS THAT WORK

7 - TAJ MAHAL LOOTED BY INDIAN IMPOSTERS POSING AS TOURISTS IN FRONT OF A CAMERA

8 - HEART FOUND TO BEAT BETTER WITH HAMMER IMPLANT

9 - HYPNOTISTS MORE LIKELY TO GET SLEEPY AT WORK THAN THE REST OF US

10- POOP POWERED AUTO MAKES WILD TURDS ON CITY STREETS

11- POLLOCKS PROVE THAT POLISH WINE EXCITES POLISH SAUSAGE

12- RARE LEGLESS DOG DISCOVERED IN LAPLAND

13- SWIMMER SWIMS AROUND THE WORLD IN 80 MILLION DAYS...TOO BAD LIFE IS SO SHORT

14- BACKWARD FLYING AIRPLANE INTRODUCED AT POLISH AIR SHOW

15- WALDO IS FINALLY FOUND...OUT...HE REALLY IS GAY

1 - ODD JOBS GET EVEN ODDER

2 - GAY BROTHEL HIRES HIMALAYAN MAN

3 - SPELLING BEE STINGS LETTERMAN

4 - FIRED CARTOGRAPHER OVERLOOKED SCENIC OVERLOOK

5 - FRENCH TOAST FRENCH TOAST

6 - LABOR STRIKE AT RULER FACTORY RULED UNRULY

7 - VW BUG RUNS INTO RAID TRUCK

8 - OLD BELLY DANCER TURNS INTO JELLY DANCER

9 - TITANIC MUSEUM GOES UNDER

10- ARCHAEOLOGIST DIGS UP DIRT ON HIS WIFE

11- PARTY POOPER TURNS OUT TO BE PORT-O-LET SALESMAN

12- MAN DOWN UNDER UNDERTAKES UNDERTAKING JOB

13- CARLY SIMON WEDS ART GARFUNKEL, MEET NEWLYWED CARLY SIMON-GARFUNKEL

14- TRASH TALK LANDS SANITATION WORKER TOP SPOT

15- COERCED COED COORDINATOR COCHAIRS COGENT COLATTERAL COOPERATIVE

16- WITNESSES SAY SUICIDE BOMBER LOST HIS LUNCH

17- TRANQUILIZER FACTORY FIRE CAUSES PANIC AND ANXIETY

18- BAD SAMARITAN SHOOTS, KILLS GOOD SAMARITAN